What Dead Flowers Taught Me about Trust
My hydrangeas didn't make it.
Over the last couple of years, I've become an amateur gardener. I've enjoyed learning about plants and selecting the right ones for my yard's conditions. My garden was thriving. Until it wasn't. When a 100+ degree heat wave hit Portland, my hydrangeas started to wilt. I rushed out and flooded them with water but couldn't save them before they burnt to a crisp.
Shortly after, a neighbor—whose gardening skills far surpass mine—surveyed the remains of my once-thriving beds and shared the following wisdom: In a heat wave, you can’t water plants when it's too hot. Plants need to be deep-watered before the heat hits so the roots are prepared for the stress.
And that's when the lightbulb went on.
Your team is like my hydrangeas. You can’t build trust in the middle of a crisis, when you need it most. You need to cultivate trust before a crisis hits.
As summer comes to an end, many of you are probably planning a fall retreat with your team to reflect, plan for Q4, and look ahead to next year. As you do this, create opportunities for "deep watering." Build trust at your next retreat by incorporating the following activities:*
Practice 1 | Get to know each other in meaningful ways: We’re all for team wine-tasting events, but "hanging out" isn't a reliable way to build trust. Design intentional conversations that help people be vulnerable with their colleagues and open up about things that really matter. Steal our favorite ‘icebreaker’ conversion ideas.
Practice 2 | Get serious about honoring your commitments: In our years of working with teams, we've noticed that trust erodes fastest when people can’t count on each other to do what they say. When you meet this fall, check in on each other's progress towards goals and discuss needed support. If commitments need to be adjusted, address the situation with honesty and a focus on finding solutions that meet everyone's needs.
Practice 3 | Don't hide from the hard stuff: Have you been to retreats that failed to address difficult topics or concerns, only to have those things discussed ad-hoc in small groups after the fact (when solutions are least likely to result)? Instead, focus on having the skill + courage to discuss the “elephants in the room” during your retreats, and you'll see how fast you can build trust.
The way we gather matters. Teams need strong roots to get them through the hard times.
As you plan your fall retreats, be intentional about building trust. And as always, if you need a partner, we're here for you.